SIDE NOTE: The title of this episode is in reference to the film, Dog Day Afternoon, starring Al Pacino. In that movie, Pacino (and Fredo from The Godfather I & II) rob a bank so that Al can pay for a sex-change operation for his man-lover and so they can (presumably) run away together, leaving his wife & kids behind, cuz the 70’s were a crazy time, man.
SIDE NOTE 2: I’m gonna go out on a limb & say that this episode is about a bank robbery, sans all the sex-change stuff.
The Pre-Intro Gag is Harriette organizing Halloween-related items (pumpkins, skeletons, etc.) to decorate the house and front yard with, while Carl gripes about having to work that night & lamenting that all teenagers turn into egg-throwing, toilet-papering assholes on Halloween.
Eddie & his shithead friend Rodney enter (dressed as Frankenstein & Don King, respectively) and Carl frisks them for contraband, finding eggs & toilet paper on them; Rodney does his best to feign ignorance.
Carl tells Rodney that if he eggs or toilet paper’s anyone/anything, he’ll beat him with his nightstick until he’s just a puddle of blood & shit:
After my pee break, we’re in the Winslow’s living room.
Mother Winslow, Laura & Sweet Telma Hopkins enter with Halloween costumes for themselves & Harriette. While they’re all happy with their choices, Harriette is irritated that they got her a Hunchback of Notre Dame outfit.
I’m not sure why as, to be honest, it doesn’t seem like much of a leap:
They tell Harriette that the only other option was Leatherface.
Urkel arrives & gets Carl to open one of those canisters that’s supposed to be peanut brittle but:
Everyone laughs & Mother Winslow calls Carl a dumb-ass.
Next, we fade to a local bank. Laura & Steve enter.
Laura’s dressed like the tranny that Eddie Murphy picked up back in the 90’s & Urkel is — who else — Superman: 
Laura’s there to cash her check from working at Sweet Telma’s restaurant & Urkel is there to protect her, cuz he’s Superman and to deposit his check, too.
Then Urkel does the Dance of Joy: 
Then Abe Lincoln enters to rob the place: 
A bank teller presses the silent alarm while Dishonest Abe has Urkel fill a bag with money at — no joke — about a dollar at a time.
Abe impatiently fires his gun into the air, which makes Urkel speed up the process, but when the thief finally exits the bank, he’s got maybe $40 in the bag.
Unfortunately for everyone (including me) approaching sirens are heard & Abe runs back into the bank & now we have ourselves a hostage-situation.
Outside, cops have gathered & Carl is looking over blueprints to the bank, trying to figure out an “in”.
He is unaware that Laura is inside.
SIDE NOTE 3: If only he had somebody on the inside he could talk to, to gain an advantage: 
But much like in the classic Die Hard, Carl’s the only officer who doesn’t have his head up his ass & has to convince his superiors not to fuck everything up and get everyone killed.
Inside the bank, the phone rings. Abe & Carl negotiate. Abe asks for the usual: Car full of gas, plane at the airport, etc., and Carl asks to speak to one of the hostages, so that he knows everyone is ok.
SIDE NOTE 4: If you guessed that Laura is the person Abe chooses to talk to Carl, congratulations for having common sense and an intricate understanding of how simply sitcom TV plots progress.
Now Abe realizes he has quite the bargaining chip in a police officer’s daughter: 
Next, Abe orders some pizzas and we’re back to the Winslow’s.
I almost laughed when Sweet Telma asks Harriette if she’s ever gonna change into her Hunchback costume: 
NLR enters, dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Rafael) and Future Blowjobber Crave is pretending to be Janet Jackson.
SIDE NOTE 5: I decided not to make a joke about her being ‘Ms. Jackson’ if you’re nasty, because occasionally, I like to take the high road.
Hey, speaking of roads, here’s a guy taking the Hershey Highway with Future-Judy: 
Back at the bank, Urkel has an extended day-dreaming sequence where he stops Abe Lincoln from robbing the bank & wins Laura’s heart (and sexy, sexy gratitude) by becoming Super Karate Urkel-Man: 
Urkel snaps back to reality and Carl enters, posing as the pizza delivery man or Rick James: 
When Abe opens his pizza, we discover that Carl used Urkel’s trick to defeat the bad guy: 
Pizza Delivery Man/Rick James/Carl takes down Abe Lincoln.
It’s now Halloween evening at the Winslow’s and the family is passing out canned beets & pork ‘n’ beans to Trick or Treaters because Urkel & Laura were supposed to swing by the store & pick up the candy after stopping at the bank and no one else could drive or walk to the store & get candy, cuz plot holes.
When Carl, Urkel & Laura finally get home, Harriette & Mother Winslow drag Laura to the kitchen to gripe her out for being late, so that Steve & Carl can have a heart-to-enlarged-heart talk.
The gist of the conversation is Urkel being unhappy that Carl rescued everyone because he wanted to show Laura that he could save the day/be the hero.
As the heart-warming music comes on, Carl tells Urkel that it’s better to follow the orders of a deranged Abe Lincoln & NOT get shot, than to possibly risk the lives of yourself & everyone around you. He also reminds Steve that it was the Urk-man’s idea that saved the day, so in a way, Urkel is the hero. 
Carl thanks Urkel for being by Laura’s side through the whole ordeal.
Then, hugs.
Roll Credits.
SIDE NOTE 6: Even though the B-plot was actually about the others characters back at the Winslow’s home, the real B-plot should have been how all throughout the episode, Laura (in her costume) was mistaken for being: Paula Abdul, Aretha Franklin, Patti LaBelle & Chaka Khan.
She was Tina Turner: 
EPISODE RECAP: Abe Lincoln takes Steve & Laura hostage when he robs a bank on Halloween; a shitty Jamaican accent & an Urkel-prank save the day; Harriette looks completely normal.
LESSONS LEARNED: Urkel would’ve made a pretty cool Superboy; Tivo The Karate Kid; buy a better lock for your cage (I assume).
Family Matters Reviewed 